At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
