my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
