I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
