i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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