ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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