It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
