I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
