Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
