I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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