Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
