I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We need to get me chipped asap
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
