sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
