whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
