I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
