awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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