those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
