it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
