i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
