So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
