420 ftw
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
