I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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