yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
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