I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
