Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
