He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
