if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
