My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
