I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just high enough for therapy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
