If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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