that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
