take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.