Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
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I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.