I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?