I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
