I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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