Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize