he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
