I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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