This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
did i just pee glitter
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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