conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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