Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
