I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
