Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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