He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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