We're facebook friends in real life
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
