I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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