A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
