Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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