First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
