I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize