my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
