thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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