Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
