If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
