Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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