Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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