So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
