Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
