Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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