Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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