dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I will pee on everything he values.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
