He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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