How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
