I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize