i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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