dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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