$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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