Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
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He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
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dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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