he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
