Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
