You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
