I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
