My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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