Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
