He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
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I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize