Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
