NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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