I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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