i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So many bounce houses so little time
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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