So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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