Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
