never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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