saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize