You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize