fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked