So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
