I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
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What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
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Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral