I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
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