Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
