To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE