FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i now understand why vodka
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
