Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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