Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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