I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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