I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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