Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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