I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
